Toseef's Blog

a little car accident

Piniyini — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 22:25:11 +0000

I was driving back from work yesterday listening to the radio when I heard a song I hadn't heard in ages, it was one of those weird ones which makes no sense at all yet you think it's amazingly wicked. Y'know one of those which you sing-a-along to and immediately has you in a funny mood.

The song in question is "A little time by The Beautiful South". Check it out ...

"You need a little room for your big head,
Don't you, don't you!"

LOL

So there I was stretching out the last verse to the song when I approached the last set of traffic lights and expected the car in front to go on amber (lights turned from green) but it stopped! I was totally surprised and foot the brakes as fast as I could, arrggghh car wasn't stopping so using my clever little brain I pressed harder. Oh bad move, it had been raining so instead the car skidded ... right into the back bumper of the other car. And it made a loud crashing noise too, worse thing was it was all in slow motion and I'd expected the crash 5 - 10 seconds before it happened. Pure agony it was.

I got out of the car and noticed the person driving was a middle aged woman, she seemed OK but I asked her anyway if she was.

"I can't believe this has happened to me, today of all days"
"Well I am sorry but it couldn't be helped, it's totally my fault if you want to claim"

She begins to inspect the damage on the back of her bumper and very shockingly there is none (maybe because she has a new car and they build 'em better?) - not even a scratch!

"I don't know why I bothered to wake up today, I woke up this morning and found someone had broken my wing mirror"
I stayed quite to let her vent
"Now this is all I need. Can I have your details? The bumper seems OK, but just in case"

We exchanged details and just to reassure her I pointed to whereabouts I lived. "Yeah I know Savile Town well, I was born and raised here" I was a little surprised to say the least.

I drove off thinking I can't believe I've had my very own car crash, and I wasn't worried about anything at all. So much that I didn't even bother to tell any family members when I got home.

That song still puts me in a funny mood though ... if only I had a little more time I wouldn't have bumped somebody.
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Posted by Piniyini

9 comments

change the fucking subject

Piniyini — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 14:47:06 +0000

So I been a little MIA, I hope you don't mind but there was something I wanted to get off my chest (and I don't mean the hair though it has been bugging me lately).

Desi's, or Deshi's, however you wanna fucking pronounce it - it all boils down to the same thing, y'know what I'm talking about, those South Asian retards. The conversations. The attitude. The mentality. The shitty lifestyle.

And to quite frank with you all, we're not helping. We say we're "modern", "liberal", "intellectual" and what not, but really we're just succumbing to the information and lifestyle that we've had passed down to us. Not ever the thought to question and challenge them on their views, oh no (because that would be too much trouble) but instead we'll disagree and go along with it. Yup, that makes sense.

But then it gets better, or so we think, setting up blogs and shouting "hey look at me I'm a desi!" and telling everyone how nice of a guy or gal you are. Then after a certain period of time we move ten steps backwards, get into a huddle, hold hands and whisper the same lame words that our elders muttered at our age ...

"So when are you getting married?"
"You like that guy don't you?"
"Tell your parents to find you a nice girl"
"Koee larkee pasand hai?"
"I know someone who'd be perfect for you"

etc etc.

The only difference is we're modern, remember? Meaning instead of coming to your house for chai and biscuits, I'll send you a quick text saying the exact same thing. Or send an email, have a messenger conversation, leave a blog comment, or even facebook your ass. It's still the same thing, I'm your desi uncle and you're my annoying auntie shaanty (honay walee). We haven't evolved much, us desis, except maybe technologically.

Everywhere you turn someone's talking about it. If it's not about yourself then it's about someone else, nevertheless the fucking subject is alive and kicking. It seems that's all we ever talk about - how lame and lifeless does that make us?

The content of the conversation is ridiculous in itself ... "This guy's not married or that girl's not married" big stupid hoohaa and like I fucking care! To make matters worse girls themselves will be like "omg I'm X years of age (usually in their 20's) and I should be married". Should? According to whom? Them?

It goes a bit further than this though, the girl herself will beat herself up over it, have sleepless nights and even cry herself to sleep. A few nights of this and eventually it leads to depression. All because of what? Simply the people around her. Put this very same girl in a different environment and the last thing she'd think about would be marriage.

And so I could go on about this forever, I'm not going to because I know it's not going to make an iota of a difference. What I am going to say is change the fucking subject cos chances are we're all going to get laid - whether we like it or not in some cases!
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Posted by Piniyini

11 comments

pini pom pom

Piniyini — Tue, 20 May 2008 17:27:22 +0000

I wanted to delete this blog.

But I couldn't do it.

So I left it, as is.

Truth be told, the pom pom had left me.

What's toseef.com without the pom pom?

Exactly.

Then a few incidents occurred.

Went to a cousins house

Where we convinced my BIL

To smoke a 'plain cigar' - "tastes exactly like a cigarette" we told him

He wasn't having any of it

"It's an original Cuban import" I told him, "rolled on the thighs of virgins"

15 mins later we have a BIL who is chatting a lot of shit

Oops.

Other day, went to a see a cousin who has his own flat

and lives alone

instead of knocking like normal people

had the bright idea to

throw pieces of wood inside his open top bedroom window

where we knew he'd be sleeping

10 mins later he wakes up

"You broke my lamp!"

Oops

"You effin nutters! How old you?!"

Which reminded me that I am now 22

and shouldn't be doing such idiotic things

that's when I realised

that the pom pom never really left

just sleeping, like i does

overslept, like i does

and will wake up when the time is right

and present itself where it must

and that there's no stopping the voice in my head

referred to often as the 'pini pom pom'
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Posted by Piniyini

10 comments

pardon my lame joke

Piniyini — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:36:21 +0000

As most of you guessed, I'm not really getting married (thankfully). I hadn't posted in a while and then thought "oh maybe I should update my blog", plus a few people where beginning to bug me about it aswell. The problem with writing a blog entry when you've not done so in a while is that you don't really know where to begin. And just when I was about to write something I realised that it's the 1st of April, and on that note posted a little April Fool's joke related to the post that had been sitting on the front page for two months. I was surprised to find that some people actually fell for it, c'mon peeps you know me better than this!

Y'know something? I have a lot to say about desi's and marriage but I'm going to save all that for some other day. Oh and here's something I found out a while back (and it may surprise you aswell) ... my dad knows about this blog and I cringe to think he may even read it at times. Yes, you read that right. I don't know how he found out but I have a fair idea, probably saw it in the address bar on the home computer. Aaaaah. But I've decided I've got nothing to hide (ahem, ahem) and will speak my mind as usual. Besides, I've always said this is a family friendly blog - never did I think they'd read it though!

On some other news my BIL (brother-in-law) is here from America and we always have a ton of guests over, not only that but we have to go places too. Yippee. Not.
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Posted by Piniyini

4 comments

I'm getting married !

Piniyini — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 22:35:58 +0000

I don't know how this happened but it's happening, I can't even believe it myself! Hmmm, where to start? Well, you know my previous post ... it had a bit of truth to it apparently. My parents hooked me up with this girl who are good family friends, at first I was like "No no no, I'm not going for some arranged shit" but when I saw her picture I couldn't say no. This chick ticks all the right boxes and has me all raring to go, this girl is FLY.

I'm so busy these day's it's unbelievable. I'll post more about this later on, it's late and I'm tired and I promised a few people I'd update (namely Feesa who said she'd beat me up if I didn't) ... will post more soon :)
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Posted by Piniyini

10 comments

You know you're a desi when ...

Piniyini — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 16:20:12 +0000

... you recieve a text message from one of your cousins, in all seriousness, congratulating you on the arrangement of your WEDDING - to one of your close cousins in Pakistan might I add (puke!) ... apparently it's been scheduled for July this year.

Oh what fun lives the Paki's lead.
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Posted by Piniyini

20 comments

How do I feel? (by Sanna)

Piniyini — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 20:54:24 +0000

My youngest sister Sanna who is 8 years old was telling me that she reads this blog, when I found out I was surprised to say the least. Asked if she understood what I was talking about, she replied "Yeah most of it, and I read Boba's blog too but I think yours is better" (ha ha Boba).

A little later on I went to my room and on the wardrobe is a picture Sanna drew many years that I leave hanging on. For one reason only, to tease her about it every chance I get (and I think I do that rather well) - infact I've just thought of a new digitalized version of doing so.

What I like about this picture:
- The writing is all jumbled and oversized (i.e. name, and text under the faces).
- The date. I remember her bringing the work home like it was yesterday, eventhough four years is a long time.
- The smiley faces ... show the innocence of a child.
- The two "blobs" which are explained by the teachers comment "Super - you've used full stops to end your sentences Sanna".

I hope you still like my blog Sanna
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Posted by Piniyini

9 comments

blog keyward stats

Piniyini — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 16:31:00 +0000

Yeah yeah yeah I know I've not been updating .. I've been trying some time management things out and it's all bullshit it doesn't work or maybe I don't let it work but either way here we are back to square one as always.

So I could put loads of things on here such as Abz texting me and saying he's going to find a new buddy because this one isn't very active in the girl hunting department. I told him all in due time and if he ever thinks of mentioning of replacing me ever again then I will have no choice but to put an end to this old time relationship. Also, that he had offended me deeply and should consider himself very lucky for us to be one again. (Samajdarr larka howsh may agayah varrna ...)

Anyway because I've not been posting regular I thought it'd be an idea to check my blog stats just to see if anyone visits this place anymore, and to my surprise everything was about average (not drastically less than before - hence decided to post). While I was doing so I clicked on "Keyword Analysis" and had a chuckle over some of the keywords (duh) used to find this blog:

sleeping walking/talking

It's happened to me more times than I care to mention, often finding myself in the bog in the middle of the night. But shit happens what can you do ...

who shall i give my love to

Oh I dunno, the highest bidder maybe? Or throw it around like a frisbee to whoever wants to play, the worst scenario is you'll get it back in the chest, that can't be all that bad right?

bullshit movies

They're all fcuking bullshit, I've made a pact not to watch any more. The story lines are lame, the actors/actresses are snobby shits who don't know real life at all. Can't be arsed with 'em anymore.

i love baba ali

Aww ain't that nice? I remember when I went to one his talks, a guy asked him if he was married or not (yes a guy! and he got laughed at haha). Baba Ali tactically avoided the question, can't even remember what his reply was - me thinks he might aswell become an MP.

kitkat peanut london

London IS a kitkat peanut, and how is searching google for food going to help?

gay muslim allowed

Yes they are, no they're not, yes they are, no they're not ... (you get the idea). I asked my little sister Sanna who's 8 years old and she says they're not, but what I'm trying to say is your opinion will change depending on who you ask.

why do chavs put their hands down their pants

Oh boy that's a toughie. There's only one way to find out for sure and that certainly ain't here.

found out i smoke

Shit, I hate it when that happens. One minute you're standing there and the next you're blowing smoke from a baccy stick and then all of a sudden you're like "Damn fuck why I am always the last one to find out?!"

slept with sister in the same bed

Er ... I hope you're her younger sister

sexy savile dewsbury

I've lived here all my life and believe me when I say it's not so sexy!
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Posted by Piniyini

1 comment

my first blog spam

Piniyini — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 20:43:18 +0000

Now that everyone has become a muslim from staring at the previous "make me a muslim" post I thought it'd be a good time to make a comeback. Nah who am I kidding? The real reason I'm updating is to mark the fact that I got my first ever automated blog spam comment today (well 32 in total if I'm being honest), and get this I'm actually happy about it.

Yeah I know spam is a real pain in the behind for most blog authors and probably takes a lot of their time but I've never had to deal with it before. The reason being that this blog is custom coded and doesn't follow the same templates as Blogger or Wordpress (which spammers aim for) this can only mean one thing. Before the spammer could run their pesky little bot they had to specifically code it to align with my comment template, which would mean they thought my blog was popular enough and/or worthwhile for them to take the time out to spam it. Ha ha ha, how wrong they were.

I've never pre-approved my comments like some bloggers have to and for sure I'm not going to start now. As a cautionary measure I did enable image verification but it shouldn't be a problem for my human visitors ...
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Posted by Piniyini

4 comments

Video: Make Me A Muslim

Piniyini — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 17:54:22 +0000

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

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Posted by Piniyini

7 comments

Make Me A Muslim (channel 4 part 1)

Piniyini — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 13:08:05 +0000

Haven't posted in a while and thought it'd be a good idea to make a comeback for this one. Make Me A Muslim aired yesterday on Channel 4 and what a laugh that was, we were in hysterics from start to finish because it doesn't represent us modern day muslims at all. It had more of a comedic value if you ask me ... oh on so many levels!

For those of you who may not know what the program was about Channel 4 has a good summary.

Can Islam help repair the moral fabric of British society? To test it out, Imam Ajmal Masroor asks six non-Muslims and one lapsed Muslim to follow Islamic teachings for three weeks. The six come from Harrogate, in Yorkshire, a town with very few ethnic minority inhabitants.

Here's a picture of the three men and one muslim women who have the task of giving some insight of the muslim world to six weird and wacky individuals. And from what I saw they didn't do terribly well. Infact, they sucked big time. These guys were far too "old skool" in my opinion, what the producers should have done is have modern muslims explaining the concept of islam and how it can apply in their everyday lives but no they didn't want to do that ...

A little background on the non-muslims who decided to take part in the programme.

LUKE

A gay boy who leads a party lifestyle and enjoys dressing up fashionably ... erm, gay. Also likes designer sunglasses, pink tops, panties, and frocks. I like the fact that out of all the other non-muslims on the show he's the most open minded and respectful to others beliefs and opinions.

Comedy moment when one of the imams, Suleiman, is explaining to Luke why he thinks being gay is a choice and not a built-in function.

Luke: Why can't islam accept who I am?
Suleiman: Look Luke, God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!

Roflmao.

PHIL

A live-alone beer-drinking porn-watching bacon-munching taxi-driver who is also partial to a slice of the "gentlemens club" every so often.

"I get up in the mornings, I know God loves me, I don't understand why you have to pray fives times a day to show you love God, I don't get it"

You could say Phil is the most rebellious of the group but he does say towards the end of the show that he's willing to give islam one more attempt.

ASH & KARLA

Ash is referred to as a "lapsed muslim" in the show and is dating a non-muslim called Karla who is looking for acceptance from Ash's side of the family. She tries to get to grips with islam but it could be said that her reasoning for participating is flawed.

KERRY

A mother of two glamour-model who has recently dished out �4k on breast enlargement. The muslim women in the group plans a trip to Bradford with Kerry to find her some suitable clothes, however Kerry is having none of it. Afterall she is paid to take her clothes off.

There's also one more person in the group but I can't remember her story (or maybe they didn't show much of her). I really do hope Channel 4 viewers don't take the program seriously because if they do they'll surely have some warped views of muslims. Which can never be good for anyone.

Hopping 'round the blogosphere I noticed some very well written reviews about the show, one paragraph that struck out was by Unique and there's no way I could have said it better myself.

I believe the main imam, a British Muslim, had a vision for this program, to let the British public know that their materialistic life of sex, nudity, alcohol, binge-drinking and nightclubs is slowly rotting their society away from any morals and real meaning. He wants non-Muslims to look past the materialistic life and find a peaceful, spiritual life that has nothing to do with the immoral scenes we see in the streets of the West. He believes Islam is the answer, the cure, for such societal diseases.

Part 2 (of 3) is coming on tonight at 8pm, I'll be watching - just for the laugh.
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Posted by Piniyini

6 comments

Free Image Hosting

Piniyini — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 17:01:47 +0000

Link : http://free-image-hosting.biz

I'm always messing around with web stuff and have loads of unfinished code lying around on the computer. From now on I'll go public with the webmaster side of things and maybe this will prompt me to actually finish a project.

Yeah I know, making an image hosting service is fairly easy but I'd like to think this one is atleast a tad bit different than the rest.

1. No registration required.
2. Multiple uploads on the same page.
3. Ajax style upload.
4. Simple to use.

I've recently moved the hosting to a better server (previously it used to flicker up and down) so I'm not bothered how much space or bandwidth is used. If you do happen to use the site, let me know what you think of it!
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Posted by Piniyini

1 comment

Seven Weird Things

Piniyini — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 20:58:32 +0000

I've been tagged by Marigold to share 7 weird things about myself ...

1. I can spend whole days on the computer and it doesn't bother me at all.
2. I don't have ANY girlfriends and everyone thinks I have a few.
3. I've never read a book from start to finish since junior school.
4. I think Britney is fit.
5. I think not shaving for days represents freedom and a care-free soul.
6. When I like a song I listen to it non-stop until my ears bleed of it (rinse and repeat).
7. I only have 3 close friends.
8. I think I'm going to be one of those guys that gets married really late.
9. I've never committed myself to anything 100% and I don't think I ever will.
10. My dream job is a computer/software programmer.
11. I hate online social networks.
12. I could stay in bed for 3 days given the chance.
13. I used to get into fights all the time when I was younger but have now calmed down considerably.
14. I would rather sleep than do anything else.
15. I've fallen into a well when I was younger (in Pakistan).
16. Have also fallen off a moving bus.
17. And also got stuck in a fridge.
18. I only enjoy playing on the old consoles e.g. Mega Drive, Nintendo (none of this PS2/X-Box bs!).
19. I have too many interests that I end up doing only a few (usually unfinished).
20. I think asian girls with nose-studs are incredibly hot.
21. I feel more at home when everything is a mess.

Didn't know if your weird was the same as my weird so I ended up extending the list, but I don't think I'm weird so ...

To continue the trend I'm going to pass this onto Brujita, iMuslim, Cafe, and a few others off the blogosphere - Rai, my sister Aapa, and Lena.
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Posted by Piniyini

9 comments

Imran Khan a dead man?

Piniyini — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 20:52:38 +0000

Imran Khan has decided to go on a hunger strike in the prison he is being held at in protest to Musharraf's emergency rule. I can see why someone like Imran Khan would do this (for the publicity) but is it really a good idea? Maybe if he was in another country but not in Pakistan.

On Monday, he decided to stop eating or drinking until judges that were fired when Musharraf imposed the emergency are reinstated, said his former wife, Jemima Khan. (source: Associated Press)

No doubt there are a lot of people wanting to get rid of Imran Khan because of his publicity and influence as a politician so why is he making their job easier for them? I can just imagine his opponents now, snickering at the thought of him starving himself and making himself weaker in the process.

C'mon Imran, don't do this - it won't get you anywhere. Thousands of people are starved everyday in Pakistan and the people who have the power to do something about it don't care, and if you honestly think that Musharraf will restore 'democracy' as a result of this please don't hold your breath. On the other-hand, if this is nothing but a publicity stunt then you may have scored yourself some points.
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Posted by Piniyini

8 comments

Lazy Students

Piniyini — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 17:23:39 +0000

It would be fair to say me and Abz have done the most amount of academic work ever in the past one-and-a-half weeks. We used to go in around 10 or 11'ish and walk out of there at 8 or 9pm and managed to do the same amount of work that others had started three weeks prior.

And the other thing? While everyone else was catching their breath trying to get to grips with their work, me and Abz were in cinemas watching movies! Yet still we managed to pass ... ha ha ha.

The most amusing aspect out of all this was surprisingly our response from home. First hint we got of it was when I was in Uni at around 8pm and received a call from Mum ...

"Where are you?"

"I'm at uni"

"AT THIS TIME?!"

"Yeah, why?"

"What are you doing AT THIS TIME?"

"Uni work, what else? Why what's wrong?"

"Come home asap. I've made food."

"Ok bye"

I didn't think anything of it until I got home (and it didn't help me telling her I was tired). Just when I'm about to eat she says sternly

"Is Uni EVEN open at this time?"

"Yes mum" (i.e 'let me eat mum!')

"What kind of Uni is this? Your sister never did any of this!"

And this was the bit where the little monkey in Homer Simpson's brain popped into my head and warbled "Ohhhhhh that's what this is all about". I'm glad she didn't ask me outright, because ...

1. It would have been far too awkward.
2. I wouldn't have known what to say, and
3. I probably would have ended up choking on the food I was trying to eat.

I can't remember how I replied to her exactly but I would say it was something along the lines of "it won't happen again". Only thing is it did happen again. Then the next day my uncle (mum's brother) approaches me and says

"Soooo Tofee, you can tell me I won't tell ya mum don't worry"

"Tell you what?" I looked at him and laughed it off.

Abz was telling me he got a similar response from his mum, and that she didn't believe him when he told her Uni was open at night.

I think we're going to have some very worried mum's if our plans of moving out of Dewsbury work out for next year. Now that I think about it, I would've had a far more interesting story to tell if I really did have a girlfriend ... hmmm.
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Posted by Piniyini

6 comments

He ain't no father

Piniyini — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:40:53 +0000

I felt sick to the stomach after reading an article on The Times called Sins of a father.

In a suburban McDonald�s a father begged his wayward daughter to come home... so he and the men of her family could have her beaten, raped and murdered. Fearing violence, but moved by his tears, she relented � and died.

It doesn't take an idiot to know that there is no such thing as "honour killings", the people who have lost out most on this tragic event is the immediate family and the community ...
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5 comments

Shahid Malik detained at US airport

Piniyini — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 15:08:39 +0000

Saw this on the UK version of Google News and the first story listed was by the BBC - Minister detained at US airport. Guess I shouldn't have been surprised when the MP in question was Dewsbury's very own Shahid Malik (because everything associated with Dewsbury in the media seems to be terror related). Fair enough, the US has to have stringent security checks in operation but you could have thought they would (at the least) go slightly easy on MP's out of all people but no ...

From the beeb

Mr Malik said two other Muslims were also detained.

"I am deeply disappointed," he said.

"The abusive attitude I endured last November I forgot about and I forgave, but I really do believe that British ministers and parliamentarians should be afforded the same respect and dignity at USA airports that we would bestow upon our colleagues in the Senate and Congress.

"Obviously, there was no malice involved but it has to be said that the USA system does not inspire confidence."

I've heard loads of stories about the awkwardness faced by British Muslims when travelling to and from the U.S for no apparent reason, even my old man was interrogated by security officials back in 2002. From what I've heard they use the same excuse with everyone which is something along the lines of "Your name matches a list of terrorists in our database", using that excuse they can detain anyone and everyone and theres not much that can be done about it.

I really do think our security alerts are over hyped to cause fear in the minds of the people, sure terrorist activities are going on around the world but when have they not? I'm sure ten or twenty years ago similar things were happening, only difference then was that the information wasn't as public and in-your-face as it is right now. As you might have guessed by now I don't believe most of the terror news bulletins that float around. We're as free as we were back then (okay maybe not as much as in the hippy 70's).
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Posted by Piniyini

3 comments

Sun Zara

Piniyini — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 23:13:35 +0000

I woke up yesterday and the first words to pop into my head were "sun zara, sohniyay sun zara" and I was like wtf I don't even listen to indian songs (not since a year anyway). Those few words were all I knew of the song and they were on repeat mode (like a jammed cassette disk over and over) throughout the day. Later on in the evening I killed the cat and loaded up a youtube video of the song and listened to it until I was sick of it. Or I thought I was sick of it.

I thought the song would disappear out of my head but no, it's here again and I'm listening to it right now at this ridiculous time. Sometimes I baffle myself honestly. Oh I know, maybe if I post it on here it'll go away ...

Look at Saami go wahahaha, good on him though.
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Posted by Piniyini

5 comments

Pumpkin Competition

Piniyini — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 18:43:51 +0000

I noticed from Marigold's blog that another SS Forum member Tee is running a pumpkin competition. Now I'm not really one for competitions but when I heard the winning prize "is a bar of spiced pumpkin goat's milk soap" my brain went into overdrive and nearly fried from all the excitement, only to be saved by the thought of our very own original pumpkin.

I present to you six month old Mr Zaryab Rafi Ullah also known as the Hai Allah Kid. This dude is such a cutie pie and keeps our household rocking these days, check him out for yourselves.

1 2 3 4 5

Hmm I think I should let Tee know that this competition is over, she might aswell bring the closing date forward and ship me the prize.
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Posted by Piniyini

11 comments

THUD!

Piniyini — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 21:29:48 +0000

I can't believe what just happened. I was outside a takeaway parked up in my car munching into a donner kebab when I saw this old guy barely managing to walk two steps. At that time I was thinking to myself 'omg this guy is drunk as fuck' and just then he falls straight to the floor, THUD! I was like no way in hell is he going to survive such a heavy impact fall, legged it to him (no-one was there) and he was just lying there.

When I saw the back of his head (or what was left of it) I was like WTF!! He'd fallen on solid concrete and it took me a couple of seconds to realise that his head was all squashed in, eww (blood pouring out and all that shit) ... luckily for this guy I'm not squeamish and called the ambulance straight away.

The only thing I knew about life support was to keep him leaning on his shoulder and to make conversation with him to try and avoid him falling unconscious, and I'm frigging surprised he didn't cos I nearly did. The next 17 minutes (until the ambulance arrived) felt like donkey years, and I was running out of conversation topics too. We'd covered his personal details like name, age, address, and members of the family etc (he had none) and had even covered old time favourites like Only Fools and Horses.

'You could say this is one of those Del Boy moments'

'Yeah Del Boy' was his reply.

I'm telling ya he must of thought who the fuck is this stupid paki making me talk but my priority was to try and keep his mind occupied and off the topic to the injury to his head. Every so often he'd start screaming really loudly and I was like 'cmon you'll be alright, you're a strong man I can tell ... I bet you been through worse in life'. Yeah looking back now I'm thinking I could have said something better ... oh well.

Other topics included football, rugby, and cars. Oh, and the guy was 57. I felt sorry for the guy honestly. The other thing he kept saying was

'It's cold down here' (he was lying down on the floor)

To which my reply was

'If you try and get up it's more cold, I'm cold aswell, save your energy for later'

Never been in the situation before I was saying things without too much thought plus I was like wtf do I do now?!

Once things for certain, if I wasn't there at that time only god knows how long it would have been since someone noticed him lying there. And if you think about it he was in an ambulance within 20 minutes of his fall, could have been a lot worse.
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Posted by Piniyini

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